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Navigating the world of fertility

It can be very overwhelming and frustrating to go through the process of becoming a parent. A million emotions swim through your brain all day long. For example, "why is it so easy for other people who didn't even want to have a baby," or "what am I doing wrong, was it something I ate or drank or touched." The ruminating thoughts start taking over and get carried away on their own. You may even feel guilt or shame for past behaviors and blame yourself (i.e. prior abortion). It's ok to want a baby so bad you want to jump out of your skin. However, these ruminating thoughts and overwhelming emotions make the whole process even harder. You may have already heard that anxiety can play a significant role in infertility. The more you want to get pregnant, the harder it can be to make it happen. You may have also heard about those stories of how people tried everything and couldn't get pregnant, but as soon as they adopted or decided not to try anymore, it happened for them. That is because of all the pent up emotions, expectations, and pressure that arises out of fertility issues. Even if you are using a surrogate, these same emotions can haunt your days as you wait to hear if the pregnancy took and as you wait to make sure it's viable. Becoming pregnant is a very significant process, especially when it doesn't happen quick and easy.

I know from personal experience. I was lucky with my first child because I got pregnant right away. Then, when I was ready to have my second one and it didn't happen as quickly and easily, I was devastated. Especially as the months grew into years before it finally happened for us. We tried on our own, then we tried with our OB/GYN's help, then an acupuncturist specializing in fertility, and finally had to seek the help from a fertility doctor. I was exhausted and emotionally spent by the time I finally got the news I was pregnant 2 years after starting to try on our own. The whole process was so cumbersome too. All the different tests, medications, tracking charts, money spent on pregnancy & ovulation tests, etc. THEN, once I became pregnant, I was terrified I'd do something to cause a miscarriage. Thankfully that did not happen for us, but unfortunately it is pretty common for people who are having fertility issues to also battle numerous miscarriages. Obviously, experiencing miscarriages is very devastating .

What I'm talking about is really a catch 22 - if you are anxious about not getting pregnant, then it makes it harder to get pregnant, but if you try to relax for another month of trying, it's very hard to not be upset when it doesn't work. Thankfully, therapy is one thing that often helps the vicious cycle of the emotions related to fertility issues. This type of therapy is generally short-term and acts as a supplement to what you are already doing with your physicians' and other providers' assistance. You can make an appointment with me by calling 949-350-5747 or emailing me at

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